Steve Ballmer is priceless

Steve Ballmer is a diarrhea mess of a CEO, and it's very dangerous for a company the size of Microsoft to maintain itself with him in charge. You hardly even have to get past this picture to understand what's wrong with him. I mean, come on. The stupid grin... the tongue sticking out... the taped-on Microsoft thing... and seriously, what's with the backwards headset?

And if you think that's the only picture where he looks stupid, you're wrong. Just do a quick Google image search or a YouTube search for simply "ballmer" and you're in for a world of either laughter or worry-- worry for Microsoft's future. Steve Ballmer is, as I've said, the most obnoxious man I can think of. Yes, more obnoxious than any Apple fan, and that's saying something. When Apple or any other rival company releases a major product, Ballmer starts blibbering about how Microsoft's products are way more powerful and popular and professional and blah blah blah. It's all just BS.

Take, for example, the iPhone. Windows Mobile has been around since the year 2000, and now that Apple has this new phone, of course Ballmer has to shoot it down. Or at least try. In one interview he brags about Windows Mobile having sold "millions and millions of units" and the iPhone selling "zero units". Um, isn't that what happens with ALL products that haven't come out yet? Including Microsoft products like the 360? In that same interview he said, "We'll see," but today I learned he said another silly thing about the iPhone: "There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance." Almost 2 years later, us Apple users are laughing and listening to the iPod feature on our iPhone at the same time.

Now there's nothing wrong with making a prediction in my opinion. Even if the prediction is so far off that it's ridiculous, at least you gave your analysis. The problem with this prediction is that it's not an analysis. It's just Ballmer advertising for his own products and trying to put fear into Apple's products for no reason. Ballmer isn't a professional analyst. He's a self-advertiser.

Now you say, Big deal, the only thing that matters is that Microsoft's products are good. Well the problem is, they're not good, partly because Ballmer is so wrapped up in his company's self-advertising that he isn't focusing on making his products good. For example, with Vista, it's really bad and everybody knows it. Microsoft doesn't try and fix its problems, however; all they do is advertise it and try to convince people that everybody loves Vista. It's interesting that Microsoft themselves are trying to spin it this way, because before this $300 million advertising campaign began, Microsoft executives such as Bill Gates stated very clearly that they weren't happy with Vista and that it wasn't what they were aiming for. But now that Ballmer's in charge, we're not saying that anymore! No way, everybody loves Vista! Everybody can't stop talking about it! They're uploading themselves to the Internet to talk about Vista (or to be on TV)! Pay no attention to all those unhappy tech-savvy experts! Just keep buying Vista! We're hip!

I really don't feel like this is an exaggeration. I want you to tune in to MTV for a few hours. What you will inevitably notice is that PC commercials show up ALL THE TIME. Like, at least twice every commercial break. If you think Apple's an 'advertising company', take a look at Microsoft's dorky attempt to look cool. Their commercials are on a million times more than Apple commercials are on, not to mention their products are far worse.

If you want a bright future for Apple, I think you don't have to worry; as long as Ballmer's around, you and Apple have nothing to sweat over.

-Derek